An Early Miscarriage

I have been trying to start this post the past few days but didn't know what to say, now it is coming up to a week since the beginning of my miscarriage I feel I am in a better place now. 
There is no structure to this post, I'm just sitting here and typing whatever feels right at the time, I just want to explain my absence and talk about what has been going on the past week, it has been one hell of a roller coaster. 

When I got my positive pregnancy test I was surprised but I kind of knew, as the previous week I had experienced kidney stones which I hadn't had that kind of pain down below since I was 30+ weeks pregnant with Isla. So when I got the pain it was my first sign that I could be pregnant, it lasted for 2-3 days and then went away. After getting my positive pregnancy test I was having symptoms, they wasn't very strong though and it worried me, but everyone was saying how all pregnancies are different and I should relax, but deep down I knew something wasn't right.

So lets rewind back to Friday 25th July 2014, it was a odd day in terms of the weather one minute it was sunny, the next it was raining. I went on time hop and realised that a year previous we had taken Isla to a splash park and jokingly I text Perry and said how cool would it of been if we could of taken her exactly a year later. Well my wish came true and the next thing I know Perry comes walking through the door telling me to get ready. I was having a few slight cramps but I knew it was normal in early pregnancy so we headed off to the splash park, it had started to rain lightly but Isla was going to get wet anyway so we just stayed and let her go in. She was having a blast, running round screaming with laughter and excitement, I was sat on a bench with a towel wrapped round me watching her play while Perry stayed near her to keep an eye on her. 

I got up to go to the toilet and when I got in there I noticed I was bleeding, immediately I went straight back to Perry and told him what was going on, he grabbed Isla and we headed back to the car. All the way home I just knew it was happening, when we got home I went back to the toilet and the bleeding had got more intense and also I had a really bad period cramp. Crying, I left the bathroom and shook my head to tell him it was over, I got into bed and just laid there all evening. He kept asking to take me to A&E but I knew there was nothing they could do to help me, they would just send me home and tell me to wait it out. I felt confident my body knew what it was doing and as it had come naturally I didn't feel the need to go to the hospital. Once Isla was in bed we finally got to talk about what was happening, I was in shock and kept crying, I had only just told myself that everything was going to be ok and now I was bleeding. I had my heat pad on my stomach trying to get rid of the intense pain and cramping. I was talking to my friend who had been through this before and she was the only one who made me feel better, she understood, she knew what it was like. While talking to her she sent me a picture through, it was of a rainbow that she could see out of her window. It was the strangest feeling ever, I got a warm feeling inside and it just felt like it was for me, it was a sign. 

The following day the bleeding was heavy but the cramping had gone, I rested most of the day but Perry asked what I wanted to do, the only thing that would make me feel better was spoiling my little girl. So off to Smyths we went and I set a budget for £20 to spend on Isla. We got her a scooter and some beach / garden toys and still walked away with change, I had to come straight home as the bleeding was really bad when I stood up so I laid down on the sofa and watched films with Isla. I was starting to feel better emotionally and physically until the next day. 

Sunday morning is when it happened, I lost the baby. Without going into to much detail I hope you know what I mean. This knocked me back down, I wasn't expecting to see what I did and it brought everything back, all the emotions but I did get to say goodbye so I am thankful for that. After loosing the baby the bleeding was really light and starting to go away, I had no more cramps or pains and was once again starting to feel better, so I hopped in the shower and come out feeling fresh and positive. A lot of people have said stuff like, "it was only early" etc but to me that wasn't the point, it was still my baby, it was still something so precious that I fell in love with as soon as I read Pregnant on the screen of a test.

Picture from Google Images

It has been a crazy week but I am feeling in a much better place now then I was the weekend. My next post will be about my visit to the doctors and what is happening now, also what will happen when I feel ready to try for our rainbow baby.

First Time Meeting A YouTube Mummy! 81KatieMarie

Katie and I have been close for around a year now, we have had endless conversations via YouTube and then we started texting each other, we quickly realised we had so much in common and were like best friends. We also realised that we don't live that far apart from each other either so we arranged to meet up back when Katie was pregnant with Ellie, but at the time it was cold and Katie being nearly due we decided to postpone it. We finally set a date and we met up last Friday on the 18th July.

I was so nervous about meeting up, I have no idea why though! I had to get the train so I think I was probably more nervous about the train ride then the actual first meet. When I woke up on Friday it was thundering and lightening, the previous few days it had been in the late 20 degrees! I was so annoyed, but after 20 minutes the clouds moved on and the sun started to come out, so I got up and started to get ready, I packed a maxi dress incase it did get very hot. I decided to take my Graco Evo pushchair as it has such a good sized basket to fit all the stuff in and a big blanket for us to sit on for lunchtime. Im so glad that I decided to leave early, as the the train lines had been effected by the lightening so there was a lot of disruptions. I got told to go to 3 different platforms before getting to the right one, it was extremely hot and humid and the train station had no lift so I had to carry the pushchair up and down the steps! 

Finally the train had left and we was on our way, it was 26 degrees at this point and it was the first train that had left the station that morning so it was packed! Isla was throwing the biggest tantrums ever, throwing her dummy at a woman in front of us and screaming her head off while kicking the buggy. I couldn't wait to get off and get away from all of the people who were staring at me as if I was the worst parent ever. I walked out of the station and Katie was waiting for me. We walked up to Asda to get some food for a little picnic and had a good chat on the way to the park. It was like we had been friends for years and met up all the time, we just got on so well and after 2 minutes neither of us was nervous at all. The girls got on really well and Ellie was fixated with Isla, looking at her and her every move, it was so cute and lovely to see. 

We walked through a park and was admiring the ducks and swans, but we had to walk past loads of them that had got onto the path and they were hissing at the dogs etc so that was hilarious trying to get through them without being attacked. We finally found somewhere to sit, I put the blanket down and then we started to have lunch and the girls got out of their buggies for a stretch. We had such a lovely time, it was great to finally meet up and we just got on so well, we checked our phones and it was showing 31 degrees! We were melting, but the girls were wearing hats and had suncream on, we also sat in the shade. We was then approached by a pack of dogs and the owner was running and shouting after them, although it was pretty scary we were laughing our heads off. The man come over, which I should add, was topless! And he sat down and started talking to us and Isla, it was so funny I was trying to hold in a laughing fit and when he left I just burst out laughing. The day had just been a bit chaotic and stressful from the beginning so we could only just laugh at what the rest of the day had in store for us. With it being so hot I changed into my maxi dress in the field... don't ask how lol. It was very tricky and involved lots of funny movements haha

We changed the girls and then we headed over to get a ice cream and go in the park so Isla could have a run around. Isla wanted to hold Katie's hand which was the cutest thing ever! We got a ice cream to try and cool off a bit and then we went down into the park. 

Ellie had fallen asleep by this point, and Isla was running riot on everything she could. She really wanted to go on the slide but it was so hot I had to try and stop her as she would of burnt herself on it. 

She then went on the swings for a bit which she enjoyed, although in this photo she doesn't look happy! She found a giant cup that she could sit in and Katie started to spin her round. After that she went over to this bit that was in the shade, it was like a hill that you could walk over but it was to high for her to do alone, at the end it sloped down, and well Isla thought it was a slide, so what does she do? She sits down and scoots her bum all the way down, and it was full of mud so her leggings got ruined, safe to say they went straight in the bin! Good job I brought a change of outfit with me. After the park we headed back to the where the shops are and sat in Mc Donalds with a ice cold drink while both the girls were sleeping. 

Look how peaceful they look... 

Overall I had a lovely day and although all the stress we had it was just the best day ever and we couldn't stop laughing about it. Perry came to pick me up as I was way to hot to get the train home, and Paul picked Katie up so the men got to briefly meet before we all headed home. Katie was so lovely in person and was everything I expected and more from watching her videos for over a year :) 

Have you ever met up with a fellow mummy vlogger or blogger? 
What was your experience like?

Mummy and Isla Special Quality Time

Recently we have had some beautiful weather here in England, and so of course I wanted to make the most of them and spend some proper quality time with Isla, although yes I do spend all day everyday with her, its just not the same when I'm trying to get housework done all the time. 

So it was last Thursday to be exact, and yes I know I'm super late in writing this, but I have been unwell with kidney stones. I just want to make a post about this memory so that I can look back on it in the next few years. 

We got up and left the house as it was such beautiful weather I just wanted to get out, it was just before lunch time as Isla had not long woken up from her nap so as a special treat I treated us to a Mc Donalds, I must admit I do eat here a lot but normally am more organised and have a lunch prepared for Isla. Although I was happy that she had chicken nuggets, a fruit bag and a bottle of water, so hardly the worst thing she could of had!

Look at this cheeky monkey, she can go up and down the big slide all by herself, all I have to do is stand at the bottom and scream "weeee" as she comes down! She is also holding her dragon that she got in her happy meal here.

I can't get over how much bigger she looks now, and how she does everything all by herself, even shuffling forward to go down the slide, mummy just stands and watches now. 

Isla is obsessed with this truck that they have at the park, its on big springs so wobbles to the side like you are on safari. As you can see it was really sunny and naughty mummy forgot a hat, so we was only out just over an hour. 

On the swings now, and she finds it funny to put her arms in the air like she's on a roller coaster ride!

Playing in the new sand park, which Isla absolutely loves. Its great as it is secure so you can let them run free and don't have to worry about them running into swinging children on swings! Although I must admit I am really disappointed that they haven't put any shades over any areas of the new sand park, as it is designed for young children I thought they would of created some shade for them to play in. 

They have these buckets that you fill up and then move them to different parts and empty them down into different things, some that spin or just go straight down. 

We finished the day off with a Peppa Pig ice lolly, seemed suitable really. 

What do you do for special quality time with your little ones?

Something about bubbles..

There really is something about bubbles, Isla goes crazy when she sees them and gets super excited, I wish I could get that excited over something so simple. We recently bought her a bubble lawn mower to use in the garden at my parents house and she loves it. She loves pushing it around and turning it on and off so that the bubbles start to come out. Last week we had such lovely weather so we decided to head over to my parents house to make the most of it, Isla loves being outdoors and the garden is the easiest and safest way for her to be outside. 

I put Isla in a plain pink tshirt and her short dungarees with a pair of converse, I think they are the cutest combination! I think the interior car light was shining on her legs and that's why they look red, I can promise you they are not burnt lol. We set off for Nanny and Grandads... 

Look how happy she looks, its amazing isn't it!? We got the lawn mower at Smyths in the sale for £8 and its doing great, I was worried that the bubbles would start to froth up like her singing bath time whale but so far so good! 

This is one of my favourite photos, I love how much Perry tries to interact with Isla when he gets home from work, they don't get much time together in the evenings but with summer here now we have been letting Isla stay up a little later some nights as it is still so light so she gets extra special daddy daughter time. 

Look at that sweet face, although I must say she was ramming the lawn mower over my feet and found it hilarious at this point. She's such a cheeky little thing, but I do love her to the moon and back. I can't get over how grown up she's starting to look now days! Please stop growing little girl.

A quick go in the swing before we headed home for bath and bed. This another one of her favourite outdoor things to do, she loves going in the swings and thinks its funny to give mummy a heart attack by letting go and putting her hand behind her head, so cheeky, where do they even pick this stuff up lol she definitely didn't get it from me, I don't get the chance to sit down let alone with my hand behind my head lol. 

What are your little ones favourite things to do in the garden? Have you got any toys that you can recommend? 

June Family Keepsakes

So I have decided to do these at the end of every month to treasure all the little memories that we have and that are easily forgotten. I will also include a family photo from that month, so we can also watch our family grow and compare them every month to see how we have all changed. 

I picked this photo as it is one of the nicest 'proper' family photos we got from our holiday to Egypt, it was from our last night on holiday and we decided to all where white to show off our tans! Haha. I think I might get this photo put on a canvas, I just wish the background was a bit different so I'm not sure, but it will definitely be up on show in some way. 

Mummy's June Keepsakes

- Having 10 nights off from cooking, cleaning and washing was amazing and very much needed! 
- Isla finally pointing to animals and objects in books when I ask her where they are.
- The smell of suncream, it just automatically puts you in the summer mood.
- Spending the weekend with my grandparents as they came to see us.
- Buying decorations to make our house feel more like a 'home'.

Daddy's June Keepsakes

- Spending proper time with his girls in the sun.
- Getting up on mono ski and getting out on the jet bike a lot.
- Pinching all of mummy's pix n mix sweets, even before breakfast!
- Going to the local fish bar - its only taken nearly 4 years for us to go.
- The beginning of summer means better outdoor family time on the weekends. 

Isla's June Keepsakes

- Everything is "No" and "Why?" 
- Playing in the sand on Mahmya Island.
- Lots of swimming on holiday in the pools and the aqua park, also learning how to spin in the water.
- Being lazy now she has a big girls bed.
- Turning another half of a year, 18 months. 

What are your best moments from this month?