Wow wow wow, how quickly has this come around, it felt like yesterday I was saying it was only 1 year away! Now we have only 1 week to go, in fact this time next week I will be a married women, we would of not long come out from our ceremony and be on a massive high.
At the moment I am feeling pretty nervous and excited mixed together, we have been planning this day for almost 18 months and for it to be within arms reach is just crazy, it still doesn't feel real if I'm honest. I still have quite a long list of things I need to do and buy this week, but I have said to myself that I won't get stressed about it if I don't manage to get it all in time, after all the important bit is that Perry and I get married, everything else is just a bonus.
I have my dress back from being altered, I have spent the past evening sticking stickers on sweet bags, Ive had my hen night and Perry had his stag do last weekend, we've sorted out where everyone is staying the night before, we have most things decoration wise we just need to get a few final touches this week. I need to make my table plan still - and can I just say what a absolute nightmare a seating plan is! I feel quite organised and in some aspects I don't, it feels a bit weird at the moment although I still have a few bits to do, I feel like I should be doing more, and when I look at all our wedding bits it just doesn't look enough to make a wedding day.... if that makes sense?
I can't wait to share all of the details after the big day, I do have some posts planned for this week so if I get time I will do them before the big day. Would it be bad to say I am more looking forward to waking up the morning after the wedding!? I can't wait for that ahh we did it feeling, as you can tell I am feeling really anxious and nervous about the ceremony and day! Any last tips or advise are welcome...
Just some quick snaps this month, we are so busy preparing for our upcoming wedding at the end of this month! These 2 have been getting on so so well recently, the bickering and fighting seems a thing of the past now, please don't say I have just jinxed it though. With Archie now getting that bit older I feel he slots in a lot better with Isla and how she likes to play, they both sit and use imaginative play with little animals and figures together, I will hear them both making their toys say hello to one another, its truly the sweetest thing. Can we also just take a moment to look at how big they both look, and how they are almost the same size, with only a head in height difference!
Anyone else just ready for spring now? I am just so ready for warmer weather and beach days, I can't wait to get the kids out in the fresh air more!
We have been so busy recently with all sorts of things going on, but we made some time to do some painting for Valentine's Day, I let Arch go first as I knew he would get bored quicker and than Isla can take over but.... he actually really enjoyed it and made enough pictures for everyone in the family. As you can see he is rocking his big sisters apron! Note: My sparkling white kitchen may or may not have bits of pink on it now too ;)
Recently things have changed for me and I didn't even realise they had until I thought about it and then I realised, I am battling my depression again. For what reason I don't know and I find that the hardest thing about it all, that nothing has happened or changed for me to now feel this way, its just me. It is hard, it only happens now and again a bit like a rollarcoaster say, but I felt like the last few months I had got onto a steady path but now its back, and I don't know why. I'm back to being in a shell basically, inside I feel empty and numb and like I have no emotion or feelings, I'm just living in this shell, I still manage to put on a smiley face for everyone when inside I am falling apart, and that's why family think I am OK and don't need help or probably don't take me seriously when I do hint towards it.
Depression and anxiety are two of the hardest things I battle with, I have for a long time and instead of hiding away about it I feel like I need to talk about it more, its not just me that must feel this way and I don't want people to feel alone, I know so well how dark and lonely you can feel and I wouldn't wish that on anyone. I find I can deal with it a lot better now by being honest and talking about it, either to my partner or a friend, and even typing this is helping too. I just want you to know that if your feeling this way and reading this, its OK, it will get better and its not forever. Just take one day at a time and each day try to do something positive, maybe take a bath, wash your hair or go out for a walk. Just take little steps into getting better, I make lists now, and they help me so much with the day.
Living with PND has been the most loneliest times of my life, Ive never felt so alone, so distant from the world, my family and friends. When my partner is on night shifts I've found myself crying in the bathroom on the floor, just wanting someone to cuddle me and tell me that it is OK. Ive not wanted to leave the house, see anyone or speak to anyone, id avoid all contact and practically push people away from me. I would sit and think how the kids deserve a better Mum, how I'm not good enough and would want someone to just come and take them away from me because I just didn't deserve them. The feelings I would feel were hard to understand, everyday was a battle from just getting out of bed, I couldn't even look after myself, how could I look after 2 little people that look up to me and still be strong, I don't know how I did it, but I did. I wrote a post a while ago about how I hadn't been looking after myself and become quite unwell, I now know I need to be strong for me and my babies.